By TamaraTari Alakiri

They say that a family looks after and cares for their own but in the case of ‘Uncle’, he makes bride price lists look like the annual spending budget of a country and boldly knocks at your door to ask for more when he lavishes it all in barely two months. 

They say that a family is the strongest unit in the society and that the bonds are pure and unbreakable but you will later discover that your siblings are the weapon fashioned against you and your romantic relationship. 

This story, His Only Wife, took us at Her Story’s Book Lovers Club to the moon and back. It was indeed an adventurous ride. Set in Ghana, we were immersed into the culture and practices of a small town called Ho. We were introduced to their food, family systems, settings and values. 

From the onset, the Protagonist, Afi, is set to marry into a wealthy family by proxy. The extravagance of the event does not end at the wedding but extends to when Afi is ushered into a rented luxury apartment where she never, in her former trenches life, could have imagined she would be. However, the drama starts when she discovers that the apartment is not her husband’s house. This turbulent ride gets more interesting and controversial when we finally meet the elusive husband, Eli, a good looking and successful man who wanted to eat his cake and have it. 

This isn’t some wait till the middle then it gets interesting type of novel but a story of a young tenacious Afi Tekple, married off to the wealthy Elikem Ganyo, in a bid to save him from the ‘spell’ his family believes he is under by his current girlfriend that he has a child with. Innocent as a good wife is expected to be, Afi diligently does everything in her power to impress Eli and his family. Though unknown to her a false and negative narrative had been painted by Eli’s Mother and siblings which Afi only realizes when it’s too late, though that didn’t stop her earlier from fighting imaginary battles to taking extra measures just to ‘secure’ her spot in her husband’s house. That of course ended up futile because Afi got served a sumptuous breakfast. 

This literary breath of fresh air explores themes of entitlement in the family setting, overbearing in-laws, deception, ambition, and the intimacy of feminine friendships. The major take home that had the book club spurting with admiration and love is that Afi chose herself and her wellbeing above all else. She got the bag and leveled up – with prospects for a comfortable life with her child, Selorm-  but not as his only wife.

By Ewaoluwa Adekanye

The Ethiopia-Tigray civil war is no stranger to us, or is it? Let me give you a quick brush-up on the subject. The Ethiopia-Tigray war started on 3 November 2020 between the Ethiopian government and forces in the Northern Tigray. This crisis has led to a lot of humanitarian crises in the region. As one would expect, amidst this humanitarian crisis is the prevalence of sexual violence against women; with soldiers from both warring sides sexually violating women. The baffling part of this is that on the 3rd of November 2022, the second year of the conflict, the Ethiopian government made a peace deal with its rivals in Tigray. One would think that after making such a landmark deal, sexual violence on both sides would reduce but alas opposite has been the case. 

On the contrary, there have been numerous reports of rape in the aftermath of the conflict. According to the BBC, there were reports of sexual violence just 13 days after the peace deal was signed, where a young woman was raped by two Eritrean soldiers. On a phone interview with BBC Journalists, an 80 year old woman recounted her experience of being brutally raped by three men. The physical effects of this ordeal has left her unable to control the urges to pass urine and stool. Another survivor spoke up about being taken to an empty house by two Eritrean soldiers and raped all night, afterwhich she was allowed to leave in the morning. Weeks later, she found out that she had gotten pregnant and had to have an abortion. 

According to a report given by the Tigray Health Bureau in November 2022, a whopping total of 820+ women were raped within the two years of war. It is important to note that the new cases of sexual violence after the peace deal, negate all the hand-shaking and waving in front of the press by the warring parties. When asked in Kenya, Eritrea’s reclusive, President Isaias Afwerk, refuted all claims of sexual violence in the region. 

According to all reports, all active fighting between both warring sides has ceased, but is the crisis truly over? Will the ripple effect of sexual violence be allowed to continue and flourish? Are women to continue being the proverbial grass suffering under the weight of two rampaging elephants? 

By Victoria Akingbemila

Gossip; otherwise known as “Idle Women’s Talk.” 

Gender oppression appears in various forms, especially in regard to women. One common form is to vilify things widely loved, or generally accepted by women. Look at it in the modern day; Zee world, fiction, makeup, feminism; basically anything that bands women together is tainted badly, viewed critically,  and looked at with disdain. Why? A little history might suffice. 

The word gossip is derived from the Old English terms God and sibb, to mean “Godparent.” It originated from childbirth, because at the time, childbirth was an exclusive event attended by women. These women would convene and talk to each other. Over time gossip came to mean, “a good friend, usually by a woman.” These friendships by women formed really strong bonds which women used to tackle societal issues together. 

As a means of breaking down the confidence fostered by the mounds of solidarity built by women, obedience, and subservience were heavily fixated on by the church, the law, and public opinion. Women’s gatherings were demonized as witchcraft and a “war on women” was declared.

Punishment was introduced through the “scold’s bridle;” a heavy contraption made of metal and leather, to be strapped on the head and would tear the woman’s tongue if she tried to speak. As a form of deterrence to other erring women, those wearing the bridle would be paraded and humiliated; this worked effectively in planting fear, disbanding women’s groups, turning women against each other and ultimately, shutting women up. 

The Scold’s Bridle was also used during slavery. 

In 1547, a proclamation was made forbidding women to meet and “babble.” Husbands were cautioned to keep their wives at home. 

Following so much attack, a word meant to signify the stronghold of women’s friendship and community, had been denigrated to a thing of ridicule and joblessness. Gossip today now means deriving pleasure from speaking ill of others. An action done by jobless people. 

When women had gossip, they exchanged stories of abuse they endured from their husbands and banded together to tackle those abuses. In the early sixteenth century in England, women stood up to abrasive male authority, with the backing of their friends. 

When women had gossip, women passed on medical remedies, advice on issues bedeviling women and understanding themselves. Women cried together, laughed together and stood up for each other. Women had their community. 

What do we have in today’s society? Women are weary of other gatherings of women, because they’ve been made to believe that women only envy and fight each other. They’ve been taught to discountenance the advice of elderly women and undermine the strength of women their age. And what happens when that same society turns them in its mouth and spits them out? They crawl back to the same women gatherings they rejected. 

Society would always crack down on any form of solidarity shown by minorities. Solidarity amongst black people were punished during slavery. Solidarity amongst women was punished as well. Why? Because there is strength in number and community. A community tells a person that “we are together and we have a higher chance of winning together.” 

“One will chase a thousand, and two will put 10,000 to flight.” Now imagine how much a gathering of 3-5 women will chase. Imagine the eruption a gathering of 50 women will cause. This is why I’m so excited about the exclusive women programs and groups, geared towards women’s empowerment and growth. Women are discovering their strength together, and I’m here for it. 

I stand strongly on the shoulders of the women who have gone before me and whose counsel I heed. I stand boldly in company of the women who stand by my side and  share the same ideals of the world we intend to create and we fight for. I stand for everything women.

By Wisdom Olobayo

She sat up on the east side of her bed just beside her drawer, obviously still sleepy, having been woken from her sleep by a sharp pain she felt in her abdomen. She was staring at the life-size mirror bathed in sunlight directly opposite her, an installation she had done as a gift to herself when she clocked 16. Now she was 17 years and five months old but she last saw her period 4 months ago. Something her parents must never know about or they would forcefully make her see a doctor. And she was fine. She did remind herself of that everyday. 

Tilting her head she combed her browning wooly hair on one side with four fingers which revealed a thin line that was formerly a skin fold on her neck. Alarmed, she attempted to stand up and properly check the mirror but a sudden dizziness overcame her, causing her to stagger. Reflexively, she grasped for something to hold on to. In doing this, she smacked three “fashion & lifestyle” magazines that were placed on the top of her drawer down to the floor. 

Pictures of top models from every inhabited continent on the planet were plastered on each of the pages of all three magazines, as were on all available spaces on the walls of her room. Girls and women with very trim waists, hands and legs were smiling on each of them. Some wearing scanty beach clothes that she wouldn’t dare buy whilst under her parents’ roof, others wore “statement” outfits that set the fashion trend for the next few months. The common factor from the pictures was that they all—all of those women, were skinny and looked very happy. And she knew she could become that; the very finest black model in a few years.

She had to fight a portentous nervousness everyday walking to school. Mimicking the typical “school girl” fashion icons on her mags, pulling each of her bag’s shoulder straps away from under her armpits with a thumb on each side, wearing her white socks midway down her legs, on her shin, with the school’s logo on them having a little makeover from the black coloured threads they used to be, daintily stomping her school shoes on the ground as she walked, she worried about the stares she got from passersby. She scoured as many faces as she could of these random strangers that passed by her, trying to decipher which one had eyes trained on her body with disgust written on their face. They were all probably hiding their judgemental opinions about her being overweight as polite humans normally do, she thought. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, trying to concentrate her kinesthetic senses on any part of her body that was jiggling with fat. She practically skipped breakfast that morning, eating just a single carrot from her plate.

*This is a case of Anorexia Nervosa

Approximately 70 million people worldwide currently live with at least one form of eating disorder with two-third being female (National Eating Disorders Association)

Lifetime prevalence of Anorexia Nervosa is three times higher among females (0.9%) than among males (0.3%) (National Institute of Mental Health)

1 in 5 women struggle with an eating disorder. (National Institute of Mental Health’s guide)

81% of 10 year olds are afraid of being fat. 51% of 9 and 10 year old girls feel better about themselves if they are on a diet (Journal of the American Dietetic Association, 1992)

By Victoria Akingbemila

Misogyny is usually defined as hatred or prejudice against women. However, I believe to a large extent, misogyny qualifies as a dislike or hatred of certain behaviors that misogynists deem unsuitable for women. This may include ambition, power, independence, and self-prioritization. Misogynists are the textbook, head of the house. The ones who believe that the man provides, and the woman stays home to cook and clean. The one who believes that the woman should be seen and not heard, because the man should be the voice of the woman. A belief in superiority over women. 

Naturally, where one believes that you are inferior to them, they put in place measures to ensure you know your place and that you stay there. This is the birth of misogynistic violence. 

Philosopher Kate Manne defines misogyny as “an attempt to control and punish women, who challenge male dominance”. 

Misogyny is exemplified in various ways. Domestic violence, sexual harassment, online harassment, and femicide, which is sometimes perpetuated by incel movements. Misogyny seeks to punish ‘bad women’, that is women who are strong-willed, opinionated, ambitious, powerful, or challenge gender-imposed stereotypes. 

Misogyny perpetuates the Madonna-whore dichotomy, where women are either perceived as good and pure or as bad and promiscuous. This dichotomy justifies the actions of men who punish the bad women, as it paints them as deserving of it. Chimamanda pointed out that when women complain of being harassed or assaulted, they are usually only described as not deserving of it if they are ‘good’ women – nonsexual and powerless. It disregards the multi-faceted nature of human beings and boxes women into just two columns. You are not allowed to be both.  

My favorite quote has to be “Not sluts, nor saints. Just women”. 

World Health Organization and the United Nations identified that almost one in three women have been subjected to sexual or intimate partner violence, at least once in their life. Globally, it is an estimated 736 million women. This number is not unfounded, as we see this violence play out, especially in the Nigerian relationship scene. Violence against women is usually chalked up to the man exerting his control and ownership over the woman. The woman is painted as ‘bad’, either because she refuses that control, or exhibits male-like characteristics. 

In recent times, women have become bolder in confronting misogynistic violence. By reading, exposure to the thoughts of other women both offline and online and education, women have learned to own their self-actualization and they are more prone to speak up against violence of any sort. Their ability to speak up and fight back has emboldened other women and built a sense of camaraderie between women. The understanding that this is a universal problem for women and the resolve to fight to see its end. 

Women have undertaken the high road of climbing political ladders, sponsoring bills, and demanding accountability from their government where necessary, to end the misogynistic violence against women. Some have taken the alleged low road of protests, social media rage, outright shunning, and naming and shaming. Both roads have proven to work.

This counterattack by women has obviously not gone unnoticed. Women, feminists in most instances, who champion this cause are usually labeled ‘Misandrists’.  A misandrist is a woman who hates men. The men who try to equate misandry to misogyny, fail to realize that, unlike misogyny, misandry is not an institutionalized form of oppression against women and misandry has certainly not claimed the lives of men. The misandrist clamor is usually from men whose feelings have been hurt because of the direct call-out of their misogynistic actions and the peculiar naming and shaming. 

As a response to this counterattack by women, men have threatened violence against the said women. They have threatened corrective rape to put the woman in her place. They have harassed women online, releasing confidential information about their location and personal life, in a bid to invite violence to be meted out against them. They have also threatened loneliness against them, dooming them to a life without companionship. Laughable. Many of these men have shared what they would do to their wives, should they exhibit such behaviors that are unbecoming of a ‘good woman’. Planning against a spouse they haven’t even met yet. 

The purpose of this article is not to establish a case of men against women. Especially since there are women with internalized misogyny, who go against other women to enforce this repressive culture. However, to solve a problem, we must identify the root cause of the problem and the perpetrators of such. 

This is very important because when women point out instances of misogynistic violence, they are usually dismissed or referred to as man-hating. This dismissal has further perpetuated the violence against them, as it emboldens the men to continue, without fear of consequences. They dismiss it as “that time of the month”, to diminish the gravity of the problem. Hence, the term “Ovary-acting”. 

Well, enough is enough. Over the years, women have been told that their response to misogyny was not the “right response”. Many probably expect a response that decenters men or does not hurt the feelings of men. However, women have died because of misogyny. Women have lost their source of livelihood because of misogyny. Women have lost their sense of self and esteem because of misogyny. Besides, I have not seen a time in my life where the oppressors ever agreed that the defense of their victims against them was the “right response”. Women have understood that to retrieve power, you must be comfortable with being wrong in the eyes of your oppressor. If we didn’t accept being wrong, I probably would not have gotten the formal education that enabled me to write this article. 

So, ahead ahead…

By Ibukun Busari

Nigeria has the largest population in Africa with over 200 million citizens, and according to the Nigeria Population Commission, the current male population is 50.6% while the current female population is 49.4%. The population gap between males and females is less than 2% which signifies that we have more than enough women who can contest for several positions in any election. 

This article highlights five (5) women who are contesting or aspiring for several positions in the upcoming general elections in Nigeria;

Khadijah Okunnu-Lamidi: She is a Media Entrepreneur, youth development advocate, and CEO of Slice Media and Charity Champion – WaterAidNG according to Wikipedia. She was the first woman to declare her interest in the 2023 presidential election. She revealed at a media conference held in Lagos that her motivation for vying for the position stems from her desire to restore hope and make Nigeria work for all Nigerians. She is contesting under the Social Democratic Party (SDP).

Ruby Isaac Chinenye: Ruby Isaac Chinenye is an Amazon, Entrepreneur and Finance Manager. She’s currently the Managing Director of RUBYCOM MPCS LTD, a multipurpose organization that deals with real estate management and development, investment and finance management, and multimedia. She is campaigning to take over from President Buhari under the Young Progressive Party (YPP). She believes Nigeria needs a pragmatic, focused, dynamic, and responsible Nigerian who will take the bull by the horn and lead the “Giant of Africa” to take its place among the community of nations and begin to fulfill its potential. 

Aishatu Dahiru: Senator Aishatu Dahiru popularly known as Binani represents Adamawa Central in the Senate according to the Punch Newspaper. She emerged as the governorship candidate of the All Progressive Congress (APC) in Adamawa State after defeating five (5) male aspirants including a former governor of the state. Her priority is to focus on challenging areas in the state such as human capacity development as well as productive sectors. She says she will prioritize harnessing the agricultural potential of the state. She will also focus on the social sector and address poverty and inequality. Women and children are top priorities.

Simi Olusola: According to the Acumen Website, Ms. Olusola is the Executive Director of Aspilos Foundation, an organization working to reduce poverty and inequality in Nigeria by ensuring economic empowerment for individuals and good governance in the society. She is also the Strategic Advisor for TechHer NG, a fellow of the African Women Entrepreneurship Cooperative, and a LEAP Africa Social Innovators Program Fellow. She won her party’s primary election, thereby making her the People’s Democratic Party candidate to represent Ikare II in the Ekiti State House of Assembly. 

Ngozi Clara Opara: Ngozi Opara is an English graduate, a web media personality, and a former councilor of Obi-Mbieri ISIEC ward in Mbaitoli Local Government Area in Imo State. She is contesting under the All Progressive Grand Alliance Party (APGA) to represent Mbaitoli Constituency in the Imo State House of Assembly. She joined this race because she believes her people deserve better. She wants her people to experience competent and people-oriented representation and sustainable Youth/Women Empowerment Legislation. She believes good governance in Nigeria can be achieved.

By Ewaoluwa Adekanye

This title: “Woman”, is a tough one. When anyone is asked who a woman is, the typical picture that comes to mind is a female with normal body features but with tags.  By tags I mean labels and stereotypes; a female carrying a baby or a female standing in the kitchen with her apron on and a spoon in her hand. This title, ‘woman’ is objectified for what it can give as per the culture and norms we are used to.

A woman is more than the usual picture we are used to painting; she is the power and strength behind every successful thing, entity, community. She is an organiser, nurturer and a wealth of wisdom to be tapped from. Though she gives this wisdom freely, she is not always given the opportunity to implement them, instead the usual ‘you belong in the background’ statement is brought to play. 

Why can’t a woman, as the fount of wisdom and bank of ideas execute these ideas she so beautifully puts forth? Why are we more focused on what she can do and give and still deny her rights and benefits of being a member of the society? Why is the reward of a woman only the joy of untiring children and producing leaders of tomorrow? 

She is expected not to speak up when she is hurt or uncomfortable about anything, her grace of tolerance has to be exploited to the last minute till she is unable to bear it. She speaks out and the world thinks she has lost her supposed grace, they say she is being and talks too much. 

This think-tank called Woman shouldn’t have to fight for a spot at work just to prove herself despite everyone knowing how much she is worth. We relegate women simply because they are women. We only remember them when we require urgent solutions to domestic issues. We applaud her ability to cook, clean, care for the children, please her husband while still excelling at her chosen career. We bully her, accuse her of being uncaring because she doesn’t bend to our will and called selfish and unfeeling when she shares her grand dreams. 

She is a woman; unique in her thoughts, composition, features, strength and power. She is an original who wants to be recognised as a woman and not by the societal limitations of the title which strips women of their real power and beauty. This, in my opinion, is not too much to ask for. 

By Wisdom Olobayo

“Ever since I was a child when I saw a woman in need of help I tried to help her – like helping them to carry their loads or buying them something – and that’s why I wanted to be the female leader of our party.”

Let’s keep Ameer Sarkee’s statement aside first, why is there a “Women’s Wing” in politics?

Well, let me answer my own question. Women had fought (and are still fighting) tough for years to be treated as persons equal to men in every context that concerns human dignity, respect and status. So, inclusion became the solution. But it’s a lie; this version of “inclusion” is a hoax. At least, it mostly is.

Do you understand the picture where your parents are counting “big” money and you are crying and whining because they won’t let you join them, and then to make you stop crying and go away they give you a few currency notes of the least value? That! That’s the picture of inclusion!

“Only seven out of 109 senators and 22 of the 360 House of Representatives members in Nigeria are women. And only four out of 36 deputy governors currently are women” – Damilola Agbalajobi, 2021.

To add to this, the country has never had a female governor. So, what in fact, has been the contribution of the women’s political wing to the country at large?

“Maybe if we can sort them out with a little position, a little power, a little kingdom of their own, they’ll calm down”. Sounds like what has been speaking for decades. The creation of a women’s wing in politics probably started with the idea of representation, so that the voices of women could finally be heard. But what exactly is representation? Having a say but never ever having the opportunity to have the day? The idea of representation itself sets off an alarm that yells “minority!”.

And is that it? That society still subtly maintains that women are just not born to be leaders? That at the end of the day, women will never have rightful access to the the same rights, opportunities and social status as men?

The segregation we fight against shows for itself when there is a dichotomy not between men and women in a party i.e men’s wing and women’s wing, but between “regular party people who actually call the shots and make decisions” and the “women’s wing” that runs itself for itself. Women governing just women is not the peak concept feminism seeks to establish. What feminism seeks to make obtainable is that women are people, and are capable of governing everyone.

If we are still fighting to see egalitarianism as the norm in the layman’s society, how about in the so-called democratic space? Should it be a war there too? Maybe scrap the “women’s wing” in political parties, and let’s expose where the problem comes from. Expose the fact that equality is still a strange idea to the people we petition for change as Ameer Sarkee, a 27 year-old Honourable member of the APC, expresses below:

“Some people ask me why I am running for the post and my answer is that God created men to guide the affairs of women so it is not a bad thing for me to want to lead women especially given that I mean well for them.”